Letting It Out
by lkuecrar
Summary: **************************************MAJOR SPOILERS****************************************** If you're like me and just now watching the show, and don't want it majorly ruined for you, turn back now! Tess can't cope, and Nick hopes to fix it. Set on 3x29 or after that episode.


SPOILERS**********SPOILERS*************SPOILERS*** **************SPOILERS***************SPOILERS***** *********

AN: I've never written anything for McLeod's Daughters, but I hope this is sufficient. I've just watched up to Claire's funeral on Netflix, and bawled. I didn't even know that this show existed until about three weeks ago, and I've been hooked ever since.

This is definitely out of my normal realm for writing, as all I've written for is video games, so I hope I didn't butcher this.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own the rights to McLeod's Daughters, Nine Network does!

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The stars were shining brightly. _There's mine, and there's Claire's. _At the thought of Claire, I single tear went down my face. _She's gone._ _What am I supposed to do? I can't run Drovers on my own._ The cold night air was causing my breath to puff little clouds in front of me. I didn't really mind, though. For the past few day's, I had been numb. Only little BOM had been keeping me afloat.

It wasn't long before I heard the steady shuffle of footsteps headed my way. "Tess, it's freezing out here, and all you're wearing is that thin coat." Before I could reply, not that I was going to, I felt the weight of Nick's warm jacket on my shoulders. "You really need to stop coming out here. It's just causing you more grief." I didn't acknowledge him, and just kept dangling my legs over the edge of the cliff. _There had to have been something I could've done. It's my fault that Charlotte won't have a mother._

I turned around and just looked at him. Nick could see the pain in my eyes, so he just lowered himself to the ground to sit beside me. _I could lose him any day, and he won't know how I feel. It's so unfair; Alex and Claire had just gotten their act together! Claire had finally gotten everything she wanted: a man to love, a baby that adored her, and she wasn't lonely anymore; why did she have to go? Poor Alex; I've never seen such a heartbreaking sight as the diamond ring on Claire's pillow that she would never find._

The harder I thought about the tragedy of Claire and Alex's love, the harder it was to keep my sobbing at bay. Finally, the dam broke. I began to wail; the echo resounded in the canyon below. Nick immediately wrapped his arms around me tightly; he didn't tell me everything would be okay, because he knew that he would be lying. _I have to talk to someone!_

I swallowed down my cries and began trying to speak. "I have nightmares every night. Well, sometimes they aren't nightmares, until I wake up and realize they were just dreams. Just the other night, I woke up and thought it was just a dream, until I found the coffin in the sitting room. Other nights, I relive watching the Ute go over the edge, and I just lay there screaming. I can't keep living like this." I began to sob again. I had never felt such dark thoughts in my head as I was feeling now.

I felt Nick go rigid. "Tess. There. Was. Nothing. You. Could. Do. It is not your fault! It kills me to see you like this; you've barely been alive ever since the accident! You've just been a shell of your old self; Tess, BOM needs you. Meg, Jodi, Terry… Me. Especially me. We all need you to stay strong. It's hard enough dealing with Claire being gone; we won't be able to handle another of the McLeod daughters dying."

I looked up at Nick, and what I saw took my breath away. Nick had the most intense look that I had ever seen, and tears in his eyes. Before I could speak, he cut me off again. "I don't want what happened to Alex and Claire to happen to us! This has made me think about what's important in my life, and you're at the top of that list. Tess McLeod, I love you."

At this, a new wave of tears washed over me. I crawled in Nick's lap and laid my head on his shoulder, tears soaking his shirt. "I love you too. So, so much."

Nick made me look up at him, and gave a feather light kiss to my lips. "You're so beautiful." A look of awe lit up his face.

I let out a pitiful chuckle. "I look like I just got hit by a train; you don't have to sugar coat it."

He had a sad smile on his face. "Tess, I'm going to be with you every step of the way through this. Anytime you need me, you can have me. I'm here for you. I can't even think about what it would be like to lose Alex; I don't pretend to understand how you feel, but I'll try my damned best to make you hurt just a little bit less."

I gave him a watery smile, and couldn't hold back the tears that I was trying so hard to stop. "God, I don't know what I did to deserve you."

I laced my fingers through Nick's wheat-colored hair, and pulled his face towards mine. This kiss was much more urgent than the first; _we have to make up for all of the lost time through the years!_

Above our heads, in the heavens above, Claire's star twinkled just a bit brighter. _Rest in peace, Claire McLeod. I love you._

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AN: I wasn't actually sure what I was going for when I started writing this; I just had to vent out the emotions that have been eating me up since watching those two episodes about the death and the funeral. I've had a headache from crying; I've never been so emotionally invested in a television character in my life!

As a matter of fact, I've never cried over a movie or a television show. Ever. This was the most heart-wrenching thing I've ever made myself watch.

I hope you enjoyed this, if anyone even reads this. If you did, don't forget to favorite and review!


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